Sunday, May 16, 2010

Hello world.

Is anybody still out there?

I never reached a point where I actively decided not to blog, it just happened, along with a newfound ability to sleep for sixteen hours a day, overwhelming anxiety, and some things I shouldn't write about because it would freak out my mother if she ever decides to see if I'm blogging again. I'm doing a lot better now, not magically all better, but able to function in my own life again.

There are meds involved. I'm still not sure how I feel about that. After decades of listening to my father discuss how we're all responsible for deciding to be optimistic and choosing to be happy, it was something of a revelation to discover that an SSRI made it possible to begin the work of shifting my mindsets. I'm not planning to tell my dad about the anti-depressant; I'm judgmental enough of myself for taking it. However, I do prefer not struggling to convince myself that it's a good idea to continue living, so for now I'll take the meds.

I promise the next post will go back to our regularly scheduled programming, where the only oversharing will be about finances.


Anonymous said...

I think the viewpoint of your father is reasonable, but incorrect and often harmful. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness and I'm glad you're having a little help -- if it is keeping you alive especially. Sometimes pulling yourself out of a hole on your own is really impossible, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

It's weird how mental illness has such a stigma, but no one looks down on you if you take excedrin for a headache rather than toughing it out!

Feel better soon.

Sallie's Niece said...

I'm still here!

And I have been on SSRIs too and don't let anyone tell you they're not necessary. Anxiety, depression, etc. is a physical sickness and thank goodness it's treatable. Take care of yourself!

Anonymous said...

I agree with both stackingpennies and Sallie's Niece. And I have been on SSRI's also and it made an amazing difference in my life! I was amazed.

Eventually, your brain chemistry may re-equilibrate and you won't need them anymore. Seriously, it is a brain chemistry thing and nothing to do with your character or strength.

take care, and know you are cared for.

Over the Cubicle Wall said...

It's like any other illness. Listen to your doctor and take the meds he gives you for your best chance at getting better. Best of luck!

E.C. said...

Thank you all for being so kind and supportive.

Anonymous said...

I'm a long-time reader and I missed you & worried about you! Strange, huh? Welcome back and I second/third/etc. everything everyone else already said.

Auditioning for Adulthood said...

I'm still reading. I completely understand about the hiatus in blogging. I've run into that as well.

Don't judge yourself too harshly. You're a good egg.

Revanche said...

I'm so glad you're still there, I was worried about you. Welcome back, and I hope that the meds help you find your balance again. It's a process and won't happen overnight, but I'm glad you're trying something other than walking it off.