Nerves

By this time tomorrow I should have my answer from Teach for America. For the past week or so, I've just wanted to get an answer, any answer, whatever they decide, and have either a really bad night or a really good night and then move on with planning for life after graduation. Now, I almost don't want to know.

I'm not sure which frightens me more, the possibility of rejection or of acceptance. I know that TFA is what I want to do, but I'm not so sure I'd be successful at fighting to end educational inequality. If I don't get in, then I have to hope that my back up plan was a good choice. In retrospect, I should have scheduled an earlier interview for the master's program so I could have an acceptance letter in hand before the TFA decision so I'd have the comfort of knowing that I was welcome somewhere. I don't think my university's program is likely to reject me, but I still have nagging irrational doubts.

My big goal for tomorrow is to get through the day without throwing up. Fortunately, I spent twelve hours in the lab yesterday so I should have plenty of mind-numbing data processing to keep me occupied.